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THE FIVE TYPES OF ASPERGER’S


It still pisses me off that the DSM5 got rid of Asperger. Not only is this the Asperger's thing (repetitive behaviors and special interests you guys!) But there are different levels. There are so many genes that go into autism that it could even be broken down into many different disorders one day. Here is a set of totally unscientific types based on aspies that I know:

Impulsive (aka Party Crasher)
These aspies are managed by their identifiers. They are the most energetic and the most likely to let loose coarse shit. Most prone to repetitive behavior. Also more likely to show feelings than other types. Subject to addictions to Internet heroin browsing. They generally have more social conscience than they deserve. They can even be charismatic for short periods of time, which makes sense since they are generally the most social. But they are the ones who most aspire to spend long periods with it. They let their inner monologue go wild when they were younger, chasing people away. They may or may not have learned better. Most have developed a certain pride in their involuntary attitude of "saying like that", appreciated by some people. Misdiagnosis includes ADHD, bipolar disorder and borderline.


Methodical (alias Patrick Bateman)
These aspies study the social world long and hard. They are usually quite delicate, having very specific ideas about what is good and what is not. The more skillful of the group, they can hold jobs and maintain friendships longer than the other types. High IQs. High intensity. Repetitive behaviors. Ironic talkers. Like to control their environment. Their sperg finally appears when you notice the studied aspect of their interactions. The more their particular obsessive interests they are among the more likely to have. May be misdiagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder or personality disorder. I think these aspies are mostly men.

Lazy (aka stealth)
The low energy type. They have the most sensory problems, but these sensory sensitivities can also bring them great joy. They may have a better sense of smell, taste and touch than most people. They are submerged most easily and it takes them the most time to recharge after any possible effort. They usually don't talk much. They have trouble articulating their thoughts with words. They also have employment problems. But to compensate for all of this, they often have situational awareness of all types. They might even be smart on the street. This tip takes ten times more energy than everyone else, which is one of the reasons they are so tired. They could be misdiagnosed with ADD, hearing problems, schizophrenia or a less intelligent form of autism.

Studious (aka Wedgie)
The prototypical Asperger. These people are generally intelligent, well-read and gentle. They are the most intelligent of all types and they have the least awareness. They take advantage of it easily. But they are more adaptable than the other types. Probably work in technology. But they can also be found in teaching or helping professions. They have patience, discipline and a will to master. Usually true to a fault. They laughed at their youth, but now people like to have them around. They make friends through special interests or out of wholesomeness. May have a good sense of humor. Common diagnostic errors include ADHD, OCD and major depression.


Masked (aka good actress)
The less obvious aspirations. They don't have frank tales like repetitive behaviors or big mouths, at least not in front of others. It surprises people when these aspies slip. Generally the most empathetic type, they have decently developed the theory of mental skills, but could also be gullible at unhappy times. People protect them without knowing why. They are popular by aspie standards because they have learned to be good conversationists and good listeners. Chances are, they were diagnosed late or so early that they received all forms of help. They can be misdiagnosed with ADHD, OCD, eating disorders or major depression. I think they are mostly women.